I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
