How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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