hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
