the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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