At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
