i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
