We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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