Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
