The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
