Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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