I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
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YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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