Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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