Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
