she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
