She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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