my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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