Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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