That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
