I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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