I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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