Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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