woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
