just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
