I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
my poor anus
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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