you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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