Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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