you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
