I just saw a hot homeless man
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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