Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
