Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
