Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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