I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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