She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
