living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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