Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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