Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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