So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
