I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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