Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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