I puked a lego.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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