She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
