You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dignity is for republicans.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
