someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
