I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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