i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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