no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
