Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize