You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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