Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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