the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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