I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
