I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
