Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
