we have officially lost it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The struggles of a small town man whore
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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