i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
