and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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