You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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