I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
