Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
