I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
