I'm lost and stupid without you.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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