Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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