I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
