paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
