I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize