Say something about gay babies.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
