well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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