I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
