with your own penis?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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