I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
