I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
