I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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