So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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