Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
