Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
