Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize