i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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