I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
