my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
