my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
