im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
