there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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