my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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