I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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