I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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