Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
