I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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