I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
