"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
