drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
