Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
