Having a random hookup so left but love u
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I want her autograph on my taint
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
